7 Success Secrets (For Information Marketers and Others) Part 4
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Family/Friend Issues: Making the RIGHT Choices
Unless you figure out how to deal with your family and friends on personal issues, success will be pretty tough!
You may have family members or friends who are one of the main reasons why success is eluding you.
I break down personal relationships into 4 categories.
First, your relationship with your significant other. Second the relationship you have with your parents, if they are still around. Third is how you relate to your friends. Fourth is how you relate to your business associates.
Your Significant Other: Selection is the KEY to Success
Your life partner/mate is a critical relationship. A good one will help you succeed. A bad one will almost always impede your success.
Have you ever heard anyone say: “relationships are a lot of work”? I don’t buy that statement. Instead, I would say: “Bad relationships are a lot of work, good relationships CAN be work . . . at times”.
I have a lot of experience in the area of mates and mate selection. I’ve been married more than once!
Even if I had worked REALLY hard on certain of my “love” relationships, I don’t think I could have made them work long term. Why? Because I had not made the right choice UP FRONT.
I honestly think that more than half the battle comes from CHOOSING the right person. Get this part of the equation right and things will be a LOT easier!
In my case, I relied on a computer algorithm to choose my “final” wife. It did a MUCH better job than I had done in any of my previous attempts.
In my case, I used E-Harmony. I’m not endorsing them, but it worked for me and a number of people that I know.
Selecting a mate is so important that I wanted to have a COLD, NON EMOTIONAL computer help me make the choice. I’m amazed how good a job the “machine” did.
As a result of my experience, I suggest everyone use a service like this to find a mate. OR, if you’ve met someone in a more “traditional” way, I suggest you use personality tests to see if you are truly well matched.
Make sure you do this as early on in the relationship as you possibly can. The longer you wait to figure out how good your match is, the tougher it will be to get out of it if things aren’t right.
Parents/Family Members: You can’t choose them
Family members are often a major cause of problems for people. They are often a huge obstacle to success.
Just because someone is a “blood relative” does not give them the right to treat you poorly. This is true whether we’re talking about a parent, a sibling, or a more distant relative like a cousin, aunt or uncle.
You owe certain family members respect because of who they are. BUT, if they start to behave “badly” you have an obligation to yourself to stay away from them.
I have a close friend who was physically abused by her father growing up. When she got older she confronted him about the abuse. He refused to acknowledge fault in the matter.
She doesn’t talk or communicate with him any more. This is too bad, but, in my opinion, it’s the right thing to do.
Just because someone is your parent, it does not mean they are a good person. If they PROVE to you through their actions that they are not, STAY AWAY from them.
Parents and other close relatives must behave well to stay a part of your life. If they don’t, you have MY permission to dismiss them.
Friends: You CAN choose them
Friends are a great part of life AND success. Good friends that is. Friends that are supportive and helpful.
Not long ago I heard a friend of mine talking about a childhood friend of theirs. They described some behavior that wasn’t very “friend-like”. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but the childhood friend had behaved poorly.
When I asked a couple more questions, I got an interesting response:
“John is one of my earliest childhood friends so I cut him a lot of slack. He always does things like that.”
Just because someone has been a friend from childhood does NOT give them the right to treat you like crap now. If a “friend” starts to treat your poorly, you need to let them know you don’t want any of that kind of behavior. If they continue, you need to DROP them as a friend.
You should not have anyone in your life who isn’t supportive of you and your goals. The occasional screw up can always happen, but someone who regularly and consistently behaves like an ASS, needs to be DROPPED from you friend roster.
Don’t hang out with people who don’t treat you right. PERIOD!
Business Associates: You CAN choose them
Business associates are a group you can CHOOSE. They aren’t like parents, siblings or other family members.
This being the case, I suggest you choose them CAREFULLY!
Making bad choices in this area will make it more difficult for you to succeed.
Much like a spouse, different people need different things in a business relationship. A person who would be ideal for me to work with in business would drive YOU nuts! And possibly the reverse would be true.
Before getting into any business relationship with someone you have to establish what works for YOU. I suggest you start by writing down all the traits that you feel you’d want in an ideal business partner.
If you’ve never done any business partnerships before, this will be a tough list to put together. Try your best. The more of them you’ve had, the easier this exercise will be.
Make a list that is composed to two sets of traits. One that are WANTED and ones that are NON-NEGOTIABLE. I’d like it if my business partners all owned 200 foot yachts. But, this is not a non-negotiable item to me.
A non-negotiable for me would be someone who I could trust with my retirement money. Someone who I would NEVER have to worry about pulling some crazy financial shenanigan.
Once you come up with your list. Stick to your guns.
The tough part is knowing whether the person you’re thinking of working it simply LOOKS like they possess a given trait or traits or ACTUALLY has them.
A good way to check yourself on this one is to introduce the potential business partner to your trusted friends and see what THEY think.
In the long run, you may get fooled, but at least you did your darndest to avoid that happening.